Sweeping problems under the rug is widely accepted by Americans - we do it in our daily lives, the business world, and politics. It's a dangerous thing because instead of recognizing an issue for what it is and strategizing ways to combat it, the problem is ignored and then piles onto the mass of unresolved conflicts before it. In no time, as we've seen in our current political climate, there are too many problems to solve with limited resources to cure them all.
On a much smaller scale, we use the lives of celebrities as a form of escapism from our daily lives and problems. Magazines like "People" and "Us Weekly" and reality TV shows like "Keeping Up with the Kardashians" broadcast the lives of celebrities. The media exploits the divorce of a celebrity couple so that everyone in America knows about it - but who are we to know about such private issues? Why do we find solace and conversation in the pain of a celebrity couple?
It's as if we have a collective subconscious that believes that focusing on the problems of others, our own issues will disappear. Sometimes things get so complicated that we can't see a way out. It then seems that the only solution is to let "time heal all wounds" and then, hopefully, things will get better. We let ourselves get caught up in the gossip of others while we wait for our own issues to cure themselves.
But if we let ourselves be distracted enough, will our problems actually disappear?
Tonight was one of those nights when all of those bottled up emotions get released in a really good cry. When I was with a group of friends of mine, we all shared stories of what was precious to us. We cried for each other, for the pain of what someone was going through, for the joy they felt, and for the beauty of honesty and trust that we shared together.
As I was driving home, I was with one of the friends and I started to tell another story - the tears came again. After I dropped her off, I felt embarrassed for crying so much and revealing some of my darkest secrets. I thought about how she might see me differently, see my family differently, and I wondered if the words I told her would affect our relationship from here on out.
But why was I so ashamed my emotions? The image I had created about myself as being completely confident in who I was had become shattered after she knew how imperfect I could be sometimes.
In class, we discuss "personas" and whether or not we are ever completely, truly ourselves. After releasing all of my pent up emotions today, I can see the daily persona I put on for others, that I am confident in myself as a person. However, that is only one dimension of who I am. I am just as much confident in myself as I am insecure about specific things. I am just as well-adjusted as I am constantly plagued by confusion as to the situation I am in.
There is a desire to be seen as in control and confident as an American. Showing any sign of weakness is poor form and we need to be on top of things 24/7. The reason I felt ashamed of my vulnerability tonight is because I'm not used to exposing my insecurities. I'm so used to showing the side of me that is confident and well-adjusted so that when I show people my weaknesses, I fear that they'll never see me as a confident person again.
We can only be truly honest and ourselves when we are both the confident and questioning person, embracing both our strengths and insecurities as a part of who we are. By showing more sides of ourselves, we can come to understand each other on new levels.
What risk will you take today to show another side of yourself?
A relationship can be defined by the level of trust it merits and how that trust was earned. I've come to see that how people choose to put their trust in others can be a reflection of where they are from.
It is an integral part of the Brazilian culture to not trust someone until they have proven they can be trusted. Once this trust has been earned, it is near impossible to lose it. This trait correlates with the heavy value Brazilians place on the family unit. The family is a cohesive group of people who are trusted and loved; bonds are formed from birth that are never broken. I see the choice to initially not trust someone as an attempt to protect themselves from getting hurt. It is almost a unspoken cultural rule that when someone earns your trust, you never let them down and have faith in them from that point onward.
In contrast, Americans tend to be very quick to trust until they have a reason not to. I share this trait, telling most friends, without hesitation, secrets of my life, etc. I don't have any deep, dark secrets to hide in the first place so trusting doesn't come difficultly. However, when someone tells a secret I've shared in confidence, I am wary to tell them other things because I feel like they don't respect our relationship.
I see this kind of trust happen everywhere in America - and I don't think its necessarily a bad thing. On a national level, this difference shows itself in the business world. In "Research on Small Businesses", it says that about 573,000 new firms open every year in the U.S. but about 470,000 open in Brazil each year. This radical difference of 100,000 more companies being opened in the U.S. shows how much more likely we are to take on risk to foster our ideas, despite failure statistics they might be facing. On the contrary, with long trusting companies (which are present in both the U.S. and Brazil), they are more likely to trust the structure they've always had, avoiding risk and novelty.
Everything we do involves risk but we'll never know the outcome if we don't take that leap of faith. What risk will you take today?
One of the most interesting differences between Brazilians and Americans, and one that has lead to a lot of awkward moments for me, is the American concept of "personal bubbles".
Brazilians simply don't have that. When in conversation with my friends, we would always be very close to each other and affection was expressed physically - with kisses on the cheek and hugging being the equivalent to a "hello" or handshake in the U.S. It was never uncommon for my friends to hold hands or link arms.
On the flip side, there have been way to many moments when I would be talking to a friend and they have asked me to step away because of their "personal bubble". It took me awhile to get used to not kissing my friends on the cheek when I saw them and to know people who actually hate hugging (really, who would ever hate hugging?).
After about two and a half years living here, I have to admit that I have developed my own designated personal space. I am now consciously aware of when a friend brushes up against my arm or leg and even hugging has gotten awkward when I hug someone I don't know too well. There are certainly many Americans who are very "touchy-feely", however there is an undeniable collective negativity towards PDA and other types of physical proximity.
Another example of this physical distance is the teacher-student relationship. Here, teachers and students are allowed limited physical contact - like no hugging. I tried hugging a teacher once and he kindly gestured towards a handshake instead (again, awkward). There are reasons for restrictions like this because of weird occasions in which students and teachers have become involved. Even so, in Brazil and other latin cultures, it is not inappropriate within the student-teacher relationship to greet your teacher with a kiss on the cheek or hug them.
I see this physical distance as a demonstration of the individualistic society we lead. In the U.S., the individual triumphs over the group whereas in many other cultures, especially in latin cultures, the group identity is stronger than the individual. There is a certain desire to keep your distance from others in the America - to not get too close for fear of rejection, among other reasons. I wonder if this distance hinders our society from deeper connections or if it keeps a certain societal equilibrium. To each his own personal bubble, but I personally prefer a hug.
In an effort understand the intricacies of the American culture, I'm starting a series of posts that will compare aspects of the American culture to the Brazilian culture. From age 5 to 13, I was an expatriate in São Paulo, Brazil. I moved here during the middle of my 8th grade year and cultural aspects of the U.S. continue to surprise, amaze and sometimes disappoint me. By comparing the different cultures, I hope both myself and the reader will come to better understand the personality of our nation and how the differences between the U.S. and Brazil show our high points and low points as a people.
Every morning, I turn on my little espresso maker, place my cup on its platform, and press the start button.
Bing bang boom. That's how espressos are made.
As Mr. O'Connor briefly mentioned in his post about the Kindle, modern society (specifically American) is moving towards making everything as fast and accessible as possible - just like my daily espresso (let's face it, I'm addicted). This fast-paced society, however, is at an impossibly increasing speed at a pace that no one can keep up with. To be constantly going, constantly stimulated, we have learned to find loopholes in our body's need for R&R (rest and recovery). This is where daily dosages of coffee (an addicting drug, for those who are unaware) come into play. We rely on it to keep us active and awake every day.
When thinking about the American Dream, coffee immediately comes to mind. It's what the commuter drinks during his train ride to the corporate downtown office. It's what college kids drink after a late night studying to stay awake in classes. It's what the tired stay-at-home mom tries to quench her insatiable exhaustion.
But the thirst can never be quenched.
Society keeps on moving, no matter who falls behind, and doesn't wait for someone to catch up with it
In the North Shore area specifically, we think that the Dream can only be achieved through such soul-breaking work. That's where the phrase, "I'll sleep when I'm dead" becomes so relevant. The idea that we have to work hard to get where we want to be, that nothing else matters but the eventual success, is embedded in our psyche. Personally, I think it's a dangerous road to follow because if we keep working for the next best thing, we won't have time to enjoy the moment.
My dad always sings the song "Stop This Train" by John Mayer, which speaks to the never-ending motion of life. The singer wants the 'train of life' to stop for a moment so he can enjoy it but the train never does. As a society, we grow up thinking that someday we'll arrive at the final destination (not death) that will finally bring us happiness - the picket fence or the big promotion. But once it comes, its never as good as we thought. So we work for the next thing. And the next. And the next. Until we really are dead. And we didn't have time to enjoy the moments in between.
So every time I turn my espresso machine on, place my cup on the platform and wait for it to fill, I ask myself if everything I do is worth it. Sure, I need to work hard in school to 'succeed' - but to what end? Do I succeed on my own terms or fail on the terms of the community I live in?
On a much smaller scale, we use the lives of celebrities as a form of escapism from our daily lives and problems. Magazines like "People" and "Us Weekly" and reality TV shows like "Keeping Up with the Kardashians" broadcast the lives of celebrities. The media exploits the divorce of a celebrity couple so that everyone in America knows about it - but who are we to know about such private issues? Why do we find solace and conversation in the pain of a celebrity couple?
